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Thread: Talk about break-ups

  1. #1

    Default Talk about break-ups

    I read one of the most hilarious books on my flight back home Thanksgiving Weekend. It's called "It's a Break-up because it's Broken: A smart girl's guide to break-up" or something like that. It's written by the same people who wrote "He's Just Not that Into You." I absolutely loved it. And everything they say in there is SOOOO true. They also icludes a bunch of "psycho confessions." Among the subjects they covered:

    1. DO NOT CALL Ex!! Do not find reasons or excuses to call.
    2. driving yourself crazy wondering what your Ex is thinking.
    3. desperate acts to get Ex's attention: like sleeping with his roommate
    4. "accidentally" running into your Ex
    5. talking endlessly to your friends about your Ex

    Anyway, I think this book is totally great, humorous and supportive to people who go through break ups. I've seen so many friends acting totally nuts during break up periods, and it's like, you just wish you can tell them to cut it out and hold on to their dignity. The one that I most wish I can rescue my friends from is the "pity me" strategy: the one where they enact the self-created drama of showing up to see their Ex looking totally sad and dishevelled....look how awful I feel and the pains I'm going through because you left...don't you feel sympathy now and want to take me back? When I see that I just want to shake my friends and put them in front of a mirror and say: Look at yourself. You look like $hit. You're confirming to them that they should leave you because you look totally pathetic and no one in their right mind would want to be seen with you as a boyfriend/girlfriend. Pull yourself together!

    I must say that I'm very proud of my ability to NOT CALL in my days. I mastered that even back in my freshmen year in college over a decade ago. I can only remember one time when I slipped, although that was before the days of caller IDs and cell phone and no one was home so I was the only one who knew I committed the psychotic act (I know no one knew because he lived alone and he was with another women that night). Most of the time I was expert at not calling. I also was good at not ever pulling the "pity me" stunt. I always made sure I looked even more put together and fantastic after a break-up, and when I was in college, I always ended up immediately doing something community or issues oriented that would get myself reported or quoted in the school newspaper, sort of a way to say, if you're reading this paper, which I'm sure you are because my alma mater has top college paper in the country and EVERYONE reads it during lunch, you should know that I'm very busy being active and involved with things more important than you and unrelated to you, so don't you even think I'm home obssessing about you (even though I was, but that wasn't the point). I figured, when all else fail, I must retain my dignity. If there was one thing I feel like I did right when I was young, it was that: retaining my dignity and never haven't to remember I crawled on my knees for any guy.

    I must say that I had committed the sins of "accidentally" running into the Exes (unless I broke up with them and never want to see them again), and talking way too much about my Exes to my friends. Come to think of it, I owe my long time friends way too much for sitting through those hours of me blah blah blah Ex this and that. Tis the X'mas season and I think maybe I ought to do something for them to show my appreciation for those stupid old days.

    So now, feel free to share your break-up sins and write your own psycho confessions:

    Alexa

  2. #2
    Join Date
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    sounds very sex in the cityish...
    - Kay d'Aranjuez


    "When I feel like I'm in a hut, it's the venti things in life that are important, like riding a bicycle built for two with a friend while well-padded or drinking espresso with my non-kidnapped baby niece."
    • Living My Life Like Its Golden

  3. #3

    Default Talk about break-ups

    Well I've never had a boyfriend, so I've never had to endure a break-up, but it doesn't sound that different from really liking someone (or being infatuated with someone, if you prefer) and not doing anything about it. Thinking constantly about what they're doing, or what they might think of you, or whether you should just call them and be done with it, can be almost as unhealthy as obsessing about them after you've broken up!

  4. #4

    Default

    OH, Emerald !

  5. #5

    Default Break-ups

    Today is my college boyfriend's birthday and when I wrote the date down this morning, I thought that I would enjoy the opportunity to step on his head if it presented itself.

    Does that make me pathological?

    Does the fact that I have not seen him for ten years change the answer to the above question?

    Do I need the book?

    (Really, truly, to be fair to myself, today is the first time I have thought of him in a long long time...but I probably did need this book eleven years ago!)
    "Grace finds beauty in everything"

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Apr 1999
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    Fetalized since 1998
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    Well, Oprah admits to "running barefoot through the snow"...my variation on THAT theme was holding on to a moving car door...Of course, that was more than 30 years ago...so I've matured..or else I'm so old...arthritis.. that my grip is not as good as it used to be..Can one be in love and dignified at the same time? Sounds like a great read...I'll look for it..
    Keeper of the "Wing-It Pose" from 98 Nats
    Keeper of Evan's kindness
    Keeper of Adam's "As it should be"..
    Co-keeper of John Coughlin's protective nature


    "....and in fact lived every moment of her life as if a child might be watching..."

    Christine Brennan on Michelle Kwan 2/12/06

  7. #7

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by amielou
    Today is my college boyfriend's birthday and when I wrote the date down this morning, I thought that I would enjoy the opportunity to step on his head if it presented itself.

    LOL Amielou. I'm having this image of your ex's head popping out like Jack in a box and you stomping on it.

  8. #8

    Default more break up thoughts

    All right so here's another thought:

    You ever discover some years after the break up that your Ex is married to or dating seriously another woman, and you actually look much better and more successful? And to top it all, you current man is also better looking while you Ex gained weight??

    This actually just happened to me recently and I gotta tell you, it's weird. You say to youself, "I was all broken up over THAT? Whew!!!"

    Alexa

  9. #9

    Default

    I recently got the scoop on a different ex...his wife is apparently frumpy, lumpy and unhappy and his mother is a meddling mother-in-law from you know where, and he is no longer the lean fit guy I knew. So I'm thinking there's a bullet I was lucky to dodge.
    "Grace finds beauty in everything"

  10. #10

    Default

    Wow, Amielou, I think need to have a toast to each other and do a happy dance! Cheers!!!!



    Alexa

    PS: don't you wonder, how did he gave up a chance with someone as great as you, only to end up with HER? You'd think after taking a pass on us, at least it should be someone worthy of us! Oh well, I guess they weren't able to do better after all.

  11. #11
    Join Date
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    Tennessee
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    okay, the stupidest thing i've done after a break up is to write and mail him a letter as if we were still together and thanking him for a great date we'd had, just so he'd call me. He did, and i was like "what...i wrote that to you a month ago, i can't believe you are just now getting it" (he had moved and i blamed the change of address thing, claiming i hadn't done it) He actually said that he was moved by my letter and asked me out again, luckily i was able to turn him down. Sounds crazy but i was young, and i felt good, in a psycho sort of way about the fact that i got to turn HIM down.
    Shortly there after I had the revelation (Thank The Lord) that if a relationship doesn't work out, it means God has someone else in mind for you. It was hard sometimes to always have that in mind right away when i had a break up, but boy, did it turn out to be true. Even when my exhusband and i divorced, i kept that in mind....how right did it turn out to be that I was blessed with the husband i have now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    She is not point to point, she is everywhere! She is MichaelAngelo and the ice is her chapel.~.KIRK WESSLER, sports editor, from the PJ Star in Peoria, Illinois.

  12. #12

    Default

    There is only ONE important rule in dating:

    "Better to be alone than to want to be alone."

  13. #13
    Join Date
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    Quote Originally Posted by NeverGivUp
    There is only ONE important rule in dating:

    "Better to be alone than to want to be alone."
    nice one
    Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what's right. ~Isaac Asimov

  14. #14

    Default

    I'll have to check out that book! Break-ups are always a pain. Sometimes I think there is no point relationships since mine have always ended in pain. I will say guys tend to mature later in life- some never do! Watch out for those!!

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